Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Manliest Dudes Alive, Part Four
This is the next installment of the most homoerotic series in my blogging history, the Manliest Dudes Alive list. It's been about a week since I last did anything with this, as I have been posting on the blog I share with my brother, Black Belt Basketball. Go there if you care about anything MMA or NBA related. With that being said, back to the list.
20.) Christian Bale [Actor]: Bale took DeNiro's method acting to a whole new level in The Machinist, and would have gotten himself down from his normal 180-200 lbs range to 120 if doctors didn't tell him he might die. He got to 140, then put 80 back on to play Batman. His intensity as an actor is legendary, even when on the set of a shitty Terminator film. Homeboy didn't even break character while threatening to annihilate a lighting director. Manly.
19.) Jesse Ventura [Wrestler/Actor/Governor/Conspiracy Theorist]: I'm probably in the vast minority of people that thinks Jesse Ventura is fucking awesome. I would totally vote for him for President. As a former Navy Seal, he was waterboarded and saw all kinds of crazy shit that he's more than willing to discuss. He doesn't bullshit around. He also takes it to Fox News every time he is on their network. Plus, how can a man who says this not be considered manly? Points off however, for thinking global warming is just a conspiracy. And for possibly being insane. But, the line between crazy and manly is a fine one.
18.) Charles Oakley [former NBA player]: As Bill Simmons quoted from an ex-NBA player in his most recent book, "Oak just don't give a fuck." He was the enforcer on a 90s Knicks team that consisted of enforcers, Ewing, and John Starks. He is currently an assistant on the Bobcats, where he got in trouble for grabbing an opposing team's player's shorts and trying to pants him on an inbound pass. He is also Michael Jordan's wingman and muscle. The best story about Charles Oakley is the time he went to another team's practice and got into a fight because their player, Tyrone Hill, owed him money from a card game because "A gentleman pays his debts." I probably should have ranked him higher, but he was a Knick. Fuck the Knicks.
17.) Kevin Garnett [NBA player]: Earlier, I mentioned their being a fine line between manly and crazy. Garnett crosses it daily. Dude just runs up and down the court swearing at no one and nothing in particular and when he cries, its because he is insane, not because he's a baby like Chris Bosh. He wants to win so badly that he'll do anything, even punch Channing Frye in the balls or call players "cancer patients." This dilutes his manliness and makes him petty, but he would cut his arm off like the dude from 127 Hours if it meant winning. Gotta respect that.
16.) Tony Iommi [Guitarist for Black Sabbath]: Tony Iommi basically invented metal music with his style of playing. The story of how he developed that sound is legendary. He was a worker in a sheet metal factory and cut off the tips of a couple of fingers by accident. He made up for this by making his own thimbles to cover the space where his fingertips were. When he plays, he can't actually feel the strings because they are being pushed down by handmade prosthetics. Chew on that the next time you hear "War Pigs" or "Supernaut," the song with the manliest riff ever.
15.) Randy Couture [MMA legend, fledgling actor]: Randy Couture is one of the greatest fighters in the history of combat sports. He's 48 years old and still competitive in MMA and was a champion fairly recently. He's one of only two people to win titles in two weight classes and he's done it by beating fellow legends like Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz, as well as giants with massive size advantages like Tim Sylvia. Randy is relentless in his training and fighting style and wears people down over the course of a fight while he stays fresh. He also bangs, marries, and divorces cocktail waitresses on a regular basis, like a grizzled George Clooney that isn't quite smart enough to stay unwed.
14.) Terry Funk [Pro Wrestling Legend]: Terry Funk has done the pro wrestling thing for like 50 years. He's still at it, even though he walks like Foghorn Leghorn and is old enough to be Ric Flair's father. I've seen this dude get caught in barb wire, set on fire, and launched off dangerously high precipices. He also has the most ridiculous voice ever and was the recipient of the infamous "It's still real to me dammit!" speech. Points off for getting paid to go to a high school gym for one of these functions. To quote Mark Jackson, "You're better than that."
13.) Mariusz Pudzianowski [World's Strongest Man/fledgling MMA fighter/Polish pop star]: Mariusz is a five-time winner of the World's Strongest Man competition and two-time runner up. Anyone who can do things like pull a 747 with his teeth or throw several hundred pound kegs over a bar has to be manly. His fighting career is very much a joke, but his music career is not. Seriously, his band Pudzian, is huge in Poland. I don't know how manly being a Polish pop star is, but it is certainly fucking awesome.
12.) Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira [MMA Legend]: Nogueira is the greatest practitioner of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in MMA history. Until very recently, he was known for being impossible to knock out. He would absorb tremendous amounts of punishment in order to go for a knockout or submission. As a small child in Brazil, he was run over by an ox car and paralyzed for a year. He responded by becoming a Pan American Games worthy boxer and the man who taught Anderson Silva the ways of BJJ. He also has one of the manliest faces ever, like a Brazilian Tommy Lee Jones.
11.) Henry Rollins [Modern Day Renaissance Man]: Rollins does it all, from music to spoken word to writing to acting. He is possibly the most intense dude in alternative music history. He's straight edge, so basically his whole career has been fueled by rage and angst. Listening to his Rollins Band albums from Lifetime through Weight will actually make you more of a man. The song "Do It" is a perfect example of the manly power of Rollins. He also kicks copious amounts of ass in the movie Wrong Turn 2. The man is a workaholic and doesn't bullshit around when it comes down to getting things done.
That's it for this installment. More to come.
20.) Christian Bale [Actor]: Bale took DeNiro's method acting to a whole new level in The Machinist, and would have gotten himself down from his normal 180-200 lbs range to 120 if doctors didn't tell him he might die. He got to 140, then put 80 back on to play Batman. His intensity as an actor is legendary, even when on the set of a shitty Terminator film. Homeboy didn't even break character while threatening to annihilate a lighting director. Manly.
19.) Jesse Ventura [Wrestler/Actor/Governor/Conspiracy Theorist]: I'm probably in the vast minority of people that thinks Jesse Ventura is fucking awesome. I would totally vote for him for President. As a former Navy Seal, he was waterboarded and saw all kinds of crazy shit that he's more than willing to discuss. He doesn't bullshit around. He also takes it to Fox News every time he is on their network. Plus, how can a man who says this not be considered manly? Points off however, for thinking global warming is just a conspiracy. And for possibly being insane. But, the line between crazy and manly is a fine one.
18.) Charles Oakley [former NBA player]: As Bill Simmons quoted from an ex-NBA player in his most recent book, "Oak just don't give a fuck." He was the enforcer on a 90s Knicks team that consisted of enforcers, Ewing, and John Starks. He is currently an assistant on the Bobcats, where he got in trouble for grabbing an opposing team's player's shorts and trying to pants him on an inbound pass. He is also Michael Jordan's wingman and muscle. The best story about Charles Oakley is the time he went to another team's practice and got into a fight because their player, Tyrone Hill, owed him money from a card game because "A gentleman pays his debts." I probably should have ranked him higher, but he was a Knick. Fuck the Knicks.
17.) Kevin Garnett [NBA player]: Earlier, I mentioned their being a fine line between manly and crazy. Garnett crosses it daily. Dude just runs up and down the court swearing at no one and nothing in particular and when he cries, its because he is insane, not because he's a baby like Chris Bosh. He wants to win so badly that he'll do anything, even punch Channing Frye in the balls or call players "cancer patients." This dilutes his manliness and makes him petty, but he would cut his arm off like the dude from 127 Hours if it meant winning. Gotta respect that.
16.) Tony Iommi [Guitarist for Black Sabbath]: Tony Iommi basically invented metal music with his style of playing. The story of how he developed that sound is legendary. He was a worker in a sheet metal factory and cut off the tips of a couple of fingers by accident. He made up for this by making his own thimbles to cover the space where his fingertips were. When he plays, he can't actually feel the strings because they are being pushed down by handmade prosthetics. Chew on that the next time you hear "War Pigs" or "Supernaut," the song with the manliest riff ever.
15.) Randy Couture [MMA legend, fledgling actor]: Randy Couture is one of the greatest fighters in the history of combat sports. He's 48 years old and still competitive in MMA and was a champion fairly recently. He's one of only two people to win titles in two weight classes and he's done it by beating fellow legends like Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz, as well as giants with massive size advantages like Tim Sylvia. Randy is relentless in his training and fighting style and wears people down over the course of a fight while he stays fresh. He also bangs, marries, and divorces cocktail waitresses on a regular basis, like a grizzled George Clooney that isn't quite smart enough to stay unwed.
14.) Terry Funk [Pro Wrestling Legend]: Terry Funk has done the pro wrestling thing for like 50 years. He's still at it, even though he walks like Foghorn Leghorn and is old enough to be Ric Flair's father. I've seen this dude get caught in barb wire, set on fire, and launched off dangerously high precipices. He also has the most ridiculous voice ever and was the recipient of the infamous "It's still real to me dammit!" speech. Points off for getting paid to go to a high school gym for one of these functions. To quote Mark Jackson, "You're better than that."
13.) Mariusz Pudzianowski [World's Strongest Man/fledgling MMA fighter/Polish pop star]: Mariusz is a five-time winner of the World's Strongest Man competition and two-time runner up. Anyone who can do things like pull a 747 with his teeth or throw several hundred pound kegs over a bar has to be manly. His fighting career is very much a joke, but his music career is not. Seriously, his band Pudzian, is huge in Poland. I don't know how manly being a Polish pop star is, but it is certainly fucking awesome.
12.) Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira [MMA Legend]: Nogueira is the greatest practitioner of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in MMA history. Until very recently, he was known for being impossible to knock out. He would absorb tremendous amounts of punishment in order to go for a knockout or submission. As a small child in Brazil, he was run over by an ox car and paralyzed for a year. He responded by becoming a Pan American Games worthy boxer and the man who taught Anderson Silva the ways of BJJ. He also has one of the manliest faces ever, like a Brazilian Tommy Lee Jones.
11.) Henry Rollins [Modern Day Renaissance Man]: Rollins does it all, from music to spoken word to writing to acting. He is possibly the most intense dude in alternative music history. He's straight edge, so basically his whole career has been fueled by rage and angst. Listening to his Rollins Band albums from Lifetime through Weight will actually make you more of a man. The song "Do It" is a perfect example of the manly power of Rollins. He also kicks copious amounts of ass in the movie Wrong Turn 2. The man is a workaholic and doesn't bullshit around when it comes down to getting things done.
That's it for this installment. More to come.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Manliest Dudes Alive, Part Three
This is a continuation of a countdown I started way back in October. I didn't feel like writing about the Rolling Stones today, or about how Peter King is a racist douche who thinks it is ok to give to the IRA, but that Muslims are evil. I decided to revel in masculinity in a (mostly) non-gay way. You can scroll through the blog to find the other entrants in this list.
30.) Nick Cave [Musician/writer]: Nick Cave is frontman for the Bad Seeds and Grinderman, two of the manliest bands ever. All his lyrics with the Seeds were about violence and mayhem, while all his lyrics with Grinderman are about being sexually frustrated. All manly topics, made even better by his crazy deep voice and insane vocal performances. He also wrote the film The Proposition, the manliest Western this side of Clint Eastwood. It featured the awesome tagline "This land must be civilized." He also has the best scene in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.
29.) Michael Jai White [Actor]: Michael Jai White is probably most known for being Spawn, in the movie of the same title from the 1990s. He has also been in several action movies of the direct to DVD variety. He's a black belt in karate and could fuck people up for real. Most importantly, he was in the most landmark film of the 2000s, Black Dynamite. Seriously, greatest goddamn movie ever. Also, he is playing Jax in some kind of new Mortal Kombat tv series. He would have ranked a bit higher if he hadn't been in so many Tyler Perry movies. Tyler Perry is not manly.
28.) Anderson Silva [MMA fighter]: Anderson Silva is the greatest fighter in the history of MMA. Anyone who has the balls to throw a front kick to someone's face and knock them out with it has to be manly. Silva doesn't just beat people, he completely breaks their spirits and demoralizes them with a combination of taunting and pinpoint and devastating striking. As Forrest Griffin said, "He makes you feel like an asshole for even trying to hit him." There's no one in the world better than him at what he does by a large margin. He's not ranked higher solely because he can be a bit mercurial and disengaged with fights that don't challenge him. He kind of just toys with and makes a mockery of them, which is manly but not as manly as destroying them. It is also more than a little bit disrespectful. But besides that, he's a destroyer.
27.) Zakk Wylde [Musician]: Zakk Wylde is a goddamn Viking masquerading as a guitar player. Until recently, he was known for pounding a ridiculous amount of booze while jackhammering away on guitar. He can't drink now, but he still crushes it on guitar. He was Ozzy's lead guitarist for nearly two decades and was basically the only reason that Ozzy didn't lick balls. Black Label Society is Zakk's band, and they are beastly.
26.) Fred Williamson [ex-Athlete/Actor]: Fred "the Hammer" Williamson is an ex-pro football player turned 70s blaxpoitation star. His reputation as a player is best matched by his nickname, and the movies he has been in are fairly ridiculous. He makes it this high because anyone who played football in the 60s is a total badass and he was totally awesome in From Dusk Till Dawn.
25.) Jason Statham [Actor]: Jason Statham is the star of the Crank and Transporter franchises and is the go-to guy for action. I'm pretty sure it is written into his contract that there has to be at least five minutes in each film where he is shirtless while beating the shit out of a large group of people. If you have to ask why he's on the list, you probably don't fully understand what being manly is all about. To be honest, I'm not totally sure why I didn't rank him higher.
24.) Lyoto Machida [MMA Fighter]: Lyoto is a former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion and until early last year was undefeated. He is a karate champion and his family actually invented their own brand of shokotan karate named Machida Karate. He probably isn't as good as Anderson Silva, but he never talks trash and he is always all about the honor and dignity of fighting. And his knockout of Rashad Evans is one of the manliest beatings in the history of humankind.
23.) Bobby Knight [Basketball Coach]: Bobby Knight is a legendary NCAA basketball coach, known for being a bit on the crabby side. He's known for his controversial career. He has some of the greatest soundbites in history. He was viewed as being abusive towards his players, but he always had one of the highest graduation rates for his students. I think in the history of coaches, there is no other one I would rather not have to get into a physical or verbal altercation with.
22.) George Clooney [Actor/Director/Humanitarian/Sexiest Man Alive]: George Clooney is the man. He is possibly the best looking dude alive, acts and directs in awesome movies, tries to help solve the world's problems, and bangs twentysomethings on a regular basis while he gets older. If you can't figure out why George Clooney is on this list, you probably don't like the fact that he makes adult movies for adult people and not bullshit like Avatar. With little to no exception, if Clooney's name is attached to it, it is quality be it movie or charity or what have you.
21.) Tony Jaa [Actor/Martial Artist]: Tony Jaa is the star of Ong Bak and The Protector, two of the best martial arts based action films in a long time. He does his own stunts and whoops all kinds of ass. He even directs his own movies now. Anyone who can do this is obviously a total badass and manlier than the vast majority of people.
That's it for now. I'll probably update this again soon. Be sure to read my other blog, as that is getting updated more frequently. The site is Black Belt Basketball.
30.) Nick Cave [Musician/writer]: Nick Cave is frontman for the Bad Seeds and Grinderman, two of the manliest bands ever. All his lyrics with the Seeds were about violence and mayhem, while all his lyrics with Grinderman are about being sexually frustrated. All manly topics, made even better by his crazy deep voice and insane vocal performances. He also wrote the film The Proposition, the manliest Western this side of Clint Eastwood. It featured the awesome tagline "This land must be civilized." He also has the best scene in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.
29.) Michael Jai White [Actor]: Michael Jai White is probably most known for being Spawn, in the movie of the same title from the 1990s. He has also been in several action movies of the direct to DVD variety. He's a black belt in karate and could fuck people up for real. Most importantly, he was in the most landmark film of the 2000s, Black Dynamite. Seriously, greatest goddamn movie ever. Also, he is playing Jax in some kind of new Mortal Kombat tv series. He would have ranked a bit higher if he hadn't been in so many Tyler Perry movies. Tyler Perry is not manly.
28.) Anderson Silva [MMA fighter]: Anderson Silva is the greatest fighter in the history of MMA. Anyone who has the balls to throw a front kick to someone's face and knock them out with it has to be manly. Silva doesn't just beat people, he completely breaks their spirits and demoralizes them with a combination of taunting and pinpoint and devastating striking. As Forrest Griffin said, "He makes you feel like an asshole for even trying to hit him." There's no one in the world better than him at what he does by a large margin. He's not ranked higher solely because he can be a bit mercurial and disengaged with fights that don't challenge him. He kind of just toys with and makes a mockery of them, which is manly but not as manly as destroying them. It is also more than a little bit disrespectful. But besides that, he's a destroyer.
27.) Zakk Wylde [Musician]: Zakk Wylde is a goddamn Viking masquerading as a guitar player. Until recently, he was known for pounding a ridiculous amount of booze while jackhammering away on guitar. He can't drink now, but he still crushes it on guitar. He was Ozzy's lead guitarist for nearly two decades and was basically the only reason that Ozzy didn't lick balls. Black Label Society is Zakk's band, and they are beastly.
26.) Fred Williamson [ex-Athlete/Actor]: Fred "the Hammer" Williamson is an ex-pro football player turned 70s blaxpoitation star. His reputation as a player is best matched by his nickname, and the movies he has been in are fairly ridiculous. He makes it this high because anyone who played football in the 60s is a total badass and he was totally awesome in From Dusk Till Dawn.
25.) Jason Statham [Actor]: Jason Statham is the star of the Crank and Transporter franchises and is the go-to guy for action. I'm pretty sure it is written into his contract that there has to be at least five minutes in each film where he is shirtless while beating the shit out of a large group of people. If you have to ask why he's on the list, you probably don't fully understand what being manly is all about. To be honest, I'm not totally sure why I didn't rank him higher.
24.) Lyoto Machida [MMA Fighter]: Lyoto is a former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion and until early last year was undefeated. He is a karate champion and his family actually invented their own brand of shokotan karate named Machida Karate. He probably isn't as good as Anderson Silva, but he never talks trash and he is always all about the honor and dignity of fighting. And his knockout of Rashad Evans is one of the manliest beatings in the history of humankind.
23.) Bobby Knight [Basketball Coach]: Bobby Knight is a legendary NCAA basketball coach, known for being a bit on the crabby side. He's known for his controversial career. He has some of the greatest soundbites in history. He was viewed as being abusive towards his players, but he always had one of the highest graduation rates for his students. I think in the history of coaches, there is no other one I would rather not have to get into a physical or verbal altercation with.
22.) George Clooney [Actor/Director/Humanitarian/Sexiest Man Alive]: George Clooney is the man. He is possibly the best looking dude alive, acts and directs in awesome movies, tries to help solve the world's problems, and bangs twentysomethings on a regular basis while he gets older. If you can't figure out why George Clooney is on this list, you probably don't like the fact that he makes adult movies for adult people and not bullshit like Avatar. With little to no exception, if Clooney's name is attached to it, it is quality be it movie or charity or what have you.
21.) Tony Jaa [Actor/Martial Artist]: Tony Jaa is the star of Ong Bak and The Protector, two of the best martial arts based action films in a long time. He does his own stunts and whoops all kinds of ass. He even directs his own movies now. Anyone who can do this is obviously a total badass and manlier than the vast majority of people.
That's it for now. I'll probably update this again soon. Be sure to read my other blog, as that is getting updated more frequently. The site is Black Belt Basketball.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Kim Kardashian's "song" is terrible, Charlie Sheen, the Middle East is burning, and the Royal Wedding is a waste of time...
Who told Kim Kardashian she was capable of anything besides making the same exact face in every picture (seriously, look at her expression) and banging Ray J on camera? More specifically, who told her she should make an album? Her new single dropped yesterday, and sweet baby Jesus it's terrible.
Like worst song of the year bad. I read that she used Auto-Tune, but it just sounds like she is sexlessly mumbling some mindnumbingly awful lyrics Repeating the same fifteen words over and over again worked in an ironic way for the Ramones. In this song, it's just wretched. Now I know this is a stretch, but music/art is supposed to be an expression of the self and your view of the world. This is what Kim Kardashian wants everyone to know is what the essence of her personality and life is? "They're playing my jam"? A few thoughts: 1.) If you've never sang, written a song, or played an instrument, your late 20s are not the time for a music career. 2.) If you can't write your own songs and the people writing them for you can't make you sound interesting, you should undertake some serious soul searching. 3.) Just because you have the time and money to make an album doesn't mean you should. This song is an even worse idea than the Kardashian Kredit Kard.
Changing gears, Charlie Sheen needs to be institutionalized. It's not even a matter of being a drug addict, since he is only addicted to Charlie Sheen. Seriously, this dude is crazy as hell. The Goddesses? Winning? He's off his rocker. He's like Tom Cruise, but heterosexual and completely unfiltered and trashy. It's hard to believe he's Martin Sheen's son. I did find it hilarious when the Today Show asked him if it was true that he threatened to chop off his ex-wife's head and mail it to her mother. His answer was "No, but that's a good one." It does make me wonder how fucked up his ex-wife is that he had custody of the kids until the other nite.
Before conservatives take credit for Egypt, Tunisia, and Libya, let's get one thing straight. This is not the Bush Doctrine in action. The uprisings across the Middle East were going to happen either way. Look at the demographics of the region. In Egypt, the average age is 25. Libya is 24. Iran, two thirds are under 30 and a quarter is under 15. Forty percent of Iraqis are under 14. When you factor that in with old dictator after old dictator and cronyism in economies with no jobs, of course you are going to get protests. This has nothing to do with people being emboldened by the Iraqi experience. Let's not be so "AMERICA FUCK YEAH!" and be realistic. The rest of the Middle East hated the US for the war in Iraq and their governments for supporting it. Not to mention, there isn't even a real democracy in Iraq. This was bound to happen with younger people who want to do better than they are right now and don't have the opportunity to do so.
What is really surprising is that these protests run counter to hundreds of years of history. The Ottoman Empire, Saddam Hussein, Nasser through Mubarak, the Assad family, Shah of Iran, Supreme Council in Iran, the Saudi royal family, and Gadafhi. All are dictators and oppressive regimes. When Saddam was toppled in Iraq, the Iraqis were saying that Saddam was a bad guy and they hated him, but at least he kept order. Order and stability have been the hallmarks of the governments in the Middle East. That is why what is going on is so fascinating. This never happens in the Middle East. The media should be talking more about that, and less about stupid shit like the royal wedding.
Which reminds me, who in America gives a fuck about the royal wedding? And why? At the risk of sounding like a Republican, we didn't fight a war to still be worshipping the royal family of England! But seriously, they aren't our royal family so why does it matter? Americans don't watch every other nation's royal weddings, so why are Britain's so important? And the thing that really gets me is that America has a President that you always hear is supposed to be respected and treated like the highest official in the country, but you get morons saying that the President wasn't born in the country and was raised in Kenya and hates America. I'm not saying everybody has to like the President or agree with him. I'm just saying that people in America think that the royal family is something special and not just a product of inbreeding. Hey, why else would they all be hemophiliacs?
Like worst song of the year bad. I read that she used Auto-Tune, but it just sounds like she is sexlessly mumbling some mindnumbingly awful lyrics Repeating the same fifteen words over and over again worked in an ironic way for the Ramones. In this song, it's just wretched. Now I know this is a stretch, but music/art is supposed to be an expression of the self and your view of the world. This is what Kim Kardashian wants everyone to know is what the essence of her personality and life is? "They're playing my jam"? A few thoughts: 1.) If you've never sang, written a song, or played an instrument, your late 20s are not the time for a music career. 2.) If you can't write your own songs and the people writing them for you can't make you sound interesting, you should undertake some serious soul searching. 3.) Just because you have the time and money to make an album doesn't mean you should. This song is an even worse idea than the Kardashian Kredit Kard.
Changing gears, Charlie Sheen needs to be institutionalized. It's not even a matter of being a drug addict, since he is only addicted to Charlie Sheen. Seriously, this dude is crazy as hell. The Goddesses? Winning? He's off his rocker. He's like Tom Cruise, but heterosexual and completely unfiltered and trashy. It's hard to believe he's Martin Sheen's son. I did find it hilarious when the Today Show asked him if it was true that he threatened to chop off his ex-wife's head and mail it to her mother. His answer was "No, but that's a good one." It does make me wonder how fucked up his ex-wife is that he had custody of the kids until the other nite.
Before conservatives take credit for Egypt, Tunisia, and Libya, let's get one thing straight. This is not the Bush Doctrine in action. The uprisings across the Middle East were going to happen either way. Look at the demographics of the region. In Egypt, the average age is 25. Libya is 24. Iran, two thirds are under 30 and a quarter is under 15. Forty percent of Iraqis are under 14. When you factor that in with old dictator after old dictator and cronyism in economies with no jobs, of course you are going to get protests. This has nothing to do with people being emboldened by the Iraqi experience. Let's not be so "AMERICA FUCK YEAH!" and be realistic. The rest of the Middle East hated the US for the war in Iraq and their governments for supporting it. Not to mention, there isn't even a real democracy in Iraq. This was bound to happen with younger people who want to do better than they are right now and don't have the opportunity to do so.
What is really surprising is that these protests run counter to hundreds of years of history. The Ottoman Empire, Saddam Hussein, Nasser through Mubarak, the Assad family, Shah of Iran, Supreme Council in Iran, the Saudi royal family, and Gadafhi. All are dictators and oppressive regimes. When Saddam was toppled in Iraq, the Iraqis were saying that Saddam was a bad guy and they hated him, but at least he kept order. Order and stability have been the hallmarks of the governments in the Middle East. That is why what is going on is so fascinating. This never happens in the Middle East. The media should be talking more about that, and less about stupid shit like the royal wedding.
Which reminds me, who in America gives a fuck about the royal wedding? And why? At the risk of sounding like a Republican, we didn't fight a war to still be worshipping the royal family of England! But seriously, they aren't our royal family so why does it matter? Americans don't watch every other nation's royal weddings, so why are Britain's so important? And the thing that really gets me is that America has a President that you always hear is supposed to be respected and treated like the highest official in the country, but you get morons saying that the President wasn't born in the country and was raised in Kenya and hates America. I'm not saying everybody has to like the President or agree with him. I'm just saying that people in America think that the royal family is something special and not just a product of inbreeding. Hey, why else would they all be hemophiliacs?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Greatest Rolling Stones Songs, 90-81
Welcome back to the next installment in the 100 greatest Rolling Stones songs. I know I said that this part would be up within 24 hours of the last, but a shitty meeting at my shitty job blocked that from happening. That, and dinner, and a trip to the gym. But with that being said, let's get down to brass tacks and keep this going.
90.) The Worst: 1994, Voodoo Lounge: An acoustic Keith ballad. Very much a jazz/country style tune, if that makes sense.
89.) Look What The Cat Dragged In: 2005, A Bigger Bang: From their most recent album, the riff reminds me of the INXS song "Need You Tonight." A pretty uptempo song where Mick mocks someone for getting wasted. The irony is incredible.
88.) Rough Justice: 2005, A Bigger Bang: The lead single off the album. It sounds a lot like "Brown Sugar" and the lyrics are a little silly, but it showed that the band could still rock.
87.) Connection: 1966, Between the Buttons: Keith's earliest lead vocal performance with the band. Reminiscent of a Buddy Holly tune. Keith actually does a better job of it on his solo album with the X-Pensive Winos.
86.) Oh No Not You Again: 2005, A Bigger Bang: Another rocker off this album. Features the great lyric: Everybody's talking/Showing off their wits/The moon is yellow/My eyes are Jello/Staring down your tits
85.) Suck On The Jugular: 1994, Voodoo Lounge: A tasty little funk jam, with some sweet backup vocals from Lisa Fischer. The song doesn't really go anywhere, but I dig the groove and the vocals.
84.) Crackin' Up: 1977, Love You Live: The only song taken off a live album, it is an old blues cover. Great energy, great performance.
83.) Short and Curlies: 1974, It's Only Rock 'n Roll: A mid-tempo boogie woogie song about a woman who has control of a man. It's a fun little sing-a-long.
82.) Star Star: 1973, Goats Head Soup: Better known as "Starfucker," it has a Chuck Berry riff and lyrics making fun of Hollywood society. Live versions used to feature a giant inflatable penis onstage behind Jagger.
81.) She Was Hot: 1983, Undercover: Probably the only song on the list from this album. A good little rocker about a hot chick (obviously). One of the better songs from the Stones in the 1980s. It sounds awesome on the Shine A Light soundtrack.
That's it until tomorrow.
90.) The Worst: 1994, Voodoo Lounge: An acoustic Keith ballad. Very much a jazz/country style tune, if that makes sense.
89.) Look What The Cat Dragged In: 2005, A Bigger Bang: From their most recent album, the riff reminds me of the INXS song "Need You Tonight." A pretty uptempo song where Mick mocks someone for getting wasted. The irony is incredible.
88.) Rough Justice: 2005, A Bigger Bang: The lead single off the album. It sounds a lot like "Brown Sugar" and the lyrics are a little silly, but it showed that the band could still rock.
87.) Connection: 1966, Between the Buttons: Keith's earliest lead vocal performance with the band. Reminiscent of a Buddy Holly tune. Keith actually does a better job of it on his solo album with the X-Pensive Winos.
86.) Oh No Not You Again: 2005, A Bigger Bang: Another rocker off this album. Features the great lyric: Everybody's talking/Showing off their wits/The moon is yellow/My eyes are Jello/Staring down your tits
85.) Suck On The Jugular: 1994, Voodoo Lounge: A tasty little funk jam, with some sweet backup vocals from Lisa Fischer. The song doesn't really go anywhere, but I dig the groove and the vocals.
84.) Crackin' Up: 1977, Love You Live: The only song taken off a live album, it is an old blues cover. Great energy, great performance.
83.) Short and Curlies: 1974, It's Only Rock 'n Roll: A mid-tempo boogie woogie song about a woman who has control of a man. It's a fun little sing-a-long.
82.) Star Star: 1973, Goats Head Soup: Better known as "Starfucker," it has a Chuck Berry riff and lyrics making fun of Hollywood society. Live versions used to feature a giant inflatable penis onstage behind Jagger.
81.) She Was Hot: 1983, Undercover: Probably the only song on the list from this album. A good little rocker about a hot chick (obviously). One of the better songs from the Stones in the 1980s. It sounds awesome on the Shine A Light soundtrack.
That's it until tomorrow.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Greatest Rolling Stones Songs, 100-91
This is my first update to this blog since October of 2010. Since then, a lot of shit has gone down. I decided (again) that I am going to try to update this more often. I usually have too many things that I wanna put here, but I don't want everything to get bogged down with basketball stories or MMA pieces. So, with the help of my brother, we have a new blog site devoted to MMA, the NBA, and the occasional wrestling story: Black Belt Basketball. That can be accessed here.
With all that stuff going to the new blog, what can be found here? Politics occasionally, if I can write about that stuff without my head exploding. Movie reviews, album reviews most likely. More lists, like the unfinished top 50 manliest dudes alive. I'll most likely finish that, as the list was completed well before I began to type it up in this blog, but I decided I was tired of that. Instead, there will be another list.
As of right now, I am reading Keith Richards' autobiography, Life. In honor of that, I decided to compile a list of the top 100 Rolling Stones songs. They are ranked in descending order. I'm going to keep the entries short, so as to finish this list and move on. I'll note what album they can be found on, year recorded, why its a great song. So without further ado, let's get it started.
100.) Baby, Break it Down: 1994, Voodoo Lounge: This is a fairly underrated album and this song is a hidden gem. A good midtempo blues melody and a pretty good vocal track from Jagger. After the dreck of the 80s, the Stones get back to basics and it works.
99.) Gotta Get Away: 1965, Out of Our Heads (UK), December's Children (USA): A good Motown meets early Stones blues rock song. Love the distortion on the guitar and Jagger's vocals. Was very tempted to rank it higher.
98.) Blinded By Rainbows: 1994, Voodoo Lounge: A ballad, very heavy on religious imagery. I've always loved Jagger's vocals on this and the band settles into a nice slow melody.
97.) She Said Yeah: 1965, Out of Your Heads (UK), December's Children (USA): A very short rocker from the early days, it is also a cover of a rockabilly song performed by Larry Williams. A pretty cool song while it lasts.
96.) Casino Boogie: 1972, Exile on Main Street: A midtempo Delta blues number. Keith and Mick do a pretty sweet job harmonizing throughout this one and Bobby Keys lays down some nasty sax on it.
95.) Dancing With Mr. D: 1973, Goats Head Soup: A rocker off the forgotten follow-up to Exile. Vintage Keith riff, but also pretty 70s glam. Don't love Jagger's vocals on it, but the band is grooving in a way that only the Stones at their best can do.
94.) Saint of Me: 1997, Bridges to Babylon: I always enjoyed the lyrics, but I don't love Jagger's vocals on the studio version. Live versions are much better. Also, don't like the fact there's no Keith on this. Still, it is a pretty good song,
93.) Route 66: 1964, England's Newest Hitmakers: A cover song off their first LP. A good rhythm and blues number, and a lot of energy from the band.
92.) Dance Little Sister: 1974, It's Only Rock 'n Roll: Very much a Chuck Berry influenced number, the band rocks a pretty tight groove. One of the last rockers in this vein that the Stones do for quite some time.
91.) Hot Stuff: 1976, Black and Blue: A hard one to describe. A weird disco/funk jam with some pretty nasty lead guitar from some dude named Harvey Mandel. Jagger's vocals and lyrics are a bit strange, but the groove to this song is pretty sick. Sounds like no other Stones song in their catalog.
I'll be checking in with numbers 90-81 very soon. Like next 24 hours.
With all that stuff going to the new blog, what can be found here? Politics occasionally, if I can write about that stuff without my head exploding. Movie reviews, album reviews most likely. More lists, like the unfinished top 50 manliest dudes alive. I'll most likely finish that, as the list was completed well before I began to type it up in this blog, but I decided I was tired of that. Instead, there will be another list.
As of right now, I am reading Keith Richards' autobiography, Life. In honor of that, I decided to compile a list of the top 100 Rolling Stones songs. They are ranked in descending order. I'm going to keep the entries short, so as to finish this list and move on. I'll note what album they can be found on, year recorded, why its a great song. So without further ado, let's get it started.
100.) Baby, Break it Down: 1994, Voodoo Lounge: This is a fairly underrated album and this song is a hidden gem. A good midtempo blues melody and a pretty good vocal track from Jagger. After the dreck of the 80s, the Stones get back to basics and it works.
99.) Gotta Get Away: 1965, Out of Our Heads (UK), December's Children (USA): A good Motown meets early Stones blues rock song. Love the distortion on the guitar and Jagger's vocals. Was very tempted to rank it higher.
98.) Blinded By Rainbows: 1994, Voodoo Lounge: A ballad, very heavy on religious imagery. I've always loved Jagger's vocals on this and the band settles into a nice slow melody.
97.) She Said Yeah: 1965, Out of Your Heads (UK), December's Children (USA): A very short rocker from the early days, it is also a cover of a rockabilly song performed by Larry Williams. A pretty cool song while it lasts.
96.) Casino Boogie: 1972, Exile on Main Street: A midtempo Delta blues number. Keith and Mick do a pretty sweet job harmonizing throughout this one and Bobby Keys lays down some nasty sax on it.
95.) Dancing With Mr. D: 1973, Goats Head Soup: A rocker off the forgotten follow-up to Exile. Vintage Keith riff, but also pretty 70s glam. Don't love Jagger's vocals on it, but the band is grooving in a way that only the Stones at their best can do.
94.) Saint of Me: 1997, Bridges to Babylon: I always enjoyed the lyrics, but I don't love Jagger's vocals on the studio version. Live versions are much better. Also, don't like the fact there's no Keith on this. Still, it is a pretty good song,
93.) Route 66: 1964, England's Newest Hitmakers: A cover song off their first LP. A good rhythm and blues number, and a lot of energy from the band.
92.) Dance Little Sister: 1974, It's Only Rock 'n Roll: Very much a Chuck Berry influenced number, the band rocks a pretty tight groove. One of the last rockers in this vein that the Stones do for quite some time.
91.) Hot Stuff: 1976, Black and Blue: A hard one to describe. A weird disco/funk jam with some pretty nasty lead guitar from some dude named Harvey Mandel. Jagger's vocals and lyrics are a bit strange, but the groove to this song is pretty sick. Sounds like no other Stones song in their catalog.
I'll be checking in with numbers 90-81 very soon. Like next 24 hours.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Fifty Manliest Dudes Alive, Part Two
You can either scroll down or click here to read (or reread) Part One. With that out of the way, let's get down to it.
40.) Tommy Lee Jones [Actor]: Tommy Lee Jones is an Academy Award winning actor courtesy of The Fugitive. He should have won another one for U.S. Marshals, but there is no justice in Hollywood. He also did an awesome job voicing Chip Hazzard in the classic film Small Soldiers, which featured the voice talents of two people who also made this list. He was also Al Gore's roommate at Harvard, where he was a star offensive tackle back when football was really manly and graduated cum laude. The main reason he makes the list (besides the aforementioned U.S. Marshals) is the combination of his pockmarked, bulldoglike face and the sweetest voice that doesn't belong to Bill Pullman.
39.) Ernest Borgnine [Actor]: Ernest Borgnine appears in three of the manliest movies of all-time - The Dirty Dozen, The Wild Bunch, and Escape From New York. He is also 93 years old, which is rather impressive for a dude of his build and profession. How has he made it this long? Well, his answer to that question is possibly the manliest one ever given. Watch and learn.
38.) Charlie Sheen [Actor/convict]: Charlie Sheen is currently the highest paid actor on tv, making over a million bucks an episode for Two and a Half Men, a "comedy" on CBS. The fact that he can command that much for that show is reason enough to put him on the list. He also has quite the list of both sexual conquests and arrests. I mean seriously, the lists for both are staggering. He also is a Truther, which is pretty neat. Charlie is a pretty serious scumbag, as anyone who beats his wife/buys hookers regularly/shoots cocaine is. Despite that, he has some charisma. He was obviously the bad guy in his divorce with Denise Richards, yet he somehow came out of it as the sympathetic one. Charlie Sheen is completely ridiculous.
37.) Chuck Palahniuk [Author]: Chuck Palahniuk is the author of Fight Club, Choke, and Haunted. His books are some of the manliest around. Fight Club, in particular the character Tyler Durden, set the standard for what masculinity looked and acted like for a solid decade. How many imitation "fight clubs" were set up idiot dudes after the book and movie were released? The best part of Chuck Palahniuk being responsible for that is the fact that he is gay. Just goes to show that the creator of something manly and masculine doesn't have to be heterosexual. For that and the fact that his books are fucking awesome, he makes the list.
36.) Ron Perlman [Actor]: Ron Perlman is the modern day Lon Chaney; that is to say, he is the current era's "Man of 1,000 Faces." Right now he is on TV's manlest show, Sons of Anarchy, where he plays the leader of the Sons. Before that he played Hellboy in two awesome movies and was the Beauty in the old Beauty and the Beast TV show. With Linda Hamilton in that show, he certainly wasn't gonna play the Beast. He has also voiced Batman in a cartoon and has been in a bunch of other things where he has had to wear prosthetics. Ron makes the list because he is usually awesome in whatever he is in and his recent work has been pretty badass.
35.) Sean Connery [Actor]: Connery's inclusion on the list is obviously due to the fact he played James Bond perfectly. This was back when Bond could slap bitches, drink and smoke constantly, and be generally awesome. His James Bond set the standard for manliness for a couple generations of moviegoers until Jason Bourne went and ruined that. He was also awesome as Indiana Jones' dad and for saying, "You're the man now dog!" He probably would have been higher on the list, but Zardoz is inexcusable.
34.) Robert De Niro [Actor]: At one point, DeNiro was the greatest actor alive. Raging Bull and Taxi Driver both feature some of the greatest acting ever. He was scary as hell in Cape Fear and funny as hell in Jackie Brown. The dude became a cabbie for months to prep for Taxi Driver and put on a ton of weight to play Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull. He was also the best part of Godfather II. At some point in the late 1990s and early 200s, he either gave up on being an incredible actor or was just suddenly given shit roles by movie studios because he has not been particularly impressive in a movie since Cop Land. He makes the list because of all the reasons I mentioned. His drop-off hasn't been severe enough to ignore the prior thirty years of manliness.
33.) Mark Valley [Actor]: Mark Valley is the star of FOX's Human Target, which is the manliest show on network TV. He doesn't make the list just because of this. He makes it because he is a legitimate badass, having served in the Gulf War. After that he wrote a one man show about being in the military and segued that into a career in acting. Before becoming the man on Human Target, he was the second best part of Fringe behind the dude who plays Walter Bishop. His marriage last year to Anna Torv, the most annoying member of Fringe dropped him a bit, but his divorce to her this year is mildly redeeming.
32.) Mike Ness [Lead Singer, Social Distortion]: Mike Ness is the punk rock Springsteen. He's also the coolest mother fucker in the history of life. You really need to see Social Distortion live to realize this. Mike Ness and Social D are what Green Day and Rancid wished they could be. The only reason he isn't ranked higher is due to the fact that his cowboy hat look when he does his country singing side project is totally lame.
31.) Forrest Griffin [MMA Fighter, Author]: Forrest Griffin is one of the people responsible for the explosion of the UFC due to his stint on the first season of their reality show The Ultimate Fighter. He is also mental. His newest book is called Be Ready When the Shit Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse. He has also been known to state that he doesn't really get involved in his fights until he eats a punch or two to the face. He has a reputation for fighting people without really giving a shit about who it is or what happens to him. Like the Anderson Silva fight, if you want to call that a fight. Points off to Forrest for running out of the cage crying like a baby after this drubbing and hiding out for months afterwards. Understandable yes, manly no.
That does it for this installment. Part three should be up in the near future.
40.) Tommy Lee Jones [Actor]: Tommy Lee Jones is an Academy Award winning actor courtesy of The Fugitive. He should have won another one for U.S. Marshals, but there is no justice in Hollywood. He also did an awesome job voicing Chip Hazzard in the classic film Small Soldiers, which featured the voice talents of two people who also made this list. He was also Al Gore's roommate at Harvard, where he was a star offensive tackle back when football was really manly and graduated cum laude. The main reason he makes the list (besides the aforementioned U.S. Marshals) is the combination of his pockmarked, bulldoglike face and the sweetest voice that doesn't belong to Bill Pullman.
39.) Ernest Borgnine [Actor]: Ernest Borgnine appears in three of the manliest movies of all-time - The Dirty Dozen, The Wild Bunch, and Escape From New York. He is also 93 years old, which is rather impressive for a dude of his build and profession. How has he made it this long? Well, his answer to that question is possibly the manliest one ever given. Watch and learn.
38.) Charlie Sheen [Actor/convict]: Charlie Sheen is currently the highest paid actor on tv, making over a million bucks an episode for Two and a Half Men, a "comedy" on CBS. The fact that he can command that much for that show is reason enough to put him on the list. He also has quite the list of both sexual conquests and arrests. I mean seriously, the lists for both are staggering. He also is a Truther, which is pretty neat. Charlie is a pretty serious scumbag, as anyone who beats his wife/buys hookers regularly/shoots cocaine is. Despite that, he has some charisma. He was obviously the bad guy in his divorce with Denise Richards, yet he somehow came out of it as the sympathetic one. Charlie Sheen is completely ridiculous.
37.) Chuck Palahniuk [Author]: Chuck Palahniuk is the author of Fight Club, Choke, and Haunted. His books are some of the manliest around. Fight Club, in particular the character Tyler Durden, set the standard for what masculinity looked and acted like for a solid decade. How many imitation "fight clubs" were set up idiot dudes after the book and movie were released? The best part of Chuck Palahniuk being responsible for that is the fact that he is gay. Just goes to show that the creator of something manly and masculine doesn't have to be heterosexual. For that and the fact that his books are fucking awesome, he makes the list.
36.) Ron Perlman [Actor]: Ron Perlman is the modern day Lon Chaney; that is to say, he is the current era's "Man of 1,000 Faces." Right now he is on TV's manlest show, Sons of Anarchy, where he plays the leader of the Sons. Before that he played Hellboy in two awesome movies and was the Beauty in the old Beauty and the Beast TV show. With Linda Hamilton in that show, he certainly wasn't gonna play the Beast. He has also voiced Batman in a cartoon and has been in a bunch of other things where he has had to wear prosthetics. Ron makes the list because he is usually awesome in whatever he is in and his recent work has been pretty badass.
35.) Sean Connery [Actor]: Connery's inclusion on the list is obviously due to the fact he played James Bond perfectly. This was back when Bond could slap bitches, drink and smoke constantly, and be generally awesome. His James Bond set the standard for manliness for a couple generations of moviegoers until Jason Bourne went and ruined that. He was also awesome as Indiana Jones' dad and for saying, "You're the man now dog!" He probably would have been higher on the list, but Zardoz is inexcusable.
34.) Robert De Niro [Actor]: At one point, DeNiro was the greatest actor alive. Raging Bull and Taxi Driver both feature some of the greatest acting ever. He was scary as hell in Cape Fear and funny as hell in Jackie Brown. The dude became a cabbie for months to prep for Taxi Driver and put on a ton of weight to play Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull. He was also the best part of Godfather II. At some point in the late 1990s and early 200s, he either gave up on being an incredible actor or was just suddenly given shit roles by movie studios because he has not been particularly impressive in a movie since Cop Land. He makes the list because of all the reasons I mentioned. His drop-off hasn't been severe enough to ignore the prior thirty years of manliness.
33.) Mark Valley [Actor]: Mark Valley is the star of FOX's Human Target, which is the manliest show on network TV. He doesn't make the list just because of this. He makes it because he is a legitimate badass, having served in the Gulf War. After that he wrote a one man show about being in the military and segued that into a career in acting. Before becoming the man on Human Target, he was the second best part of Fringe behind the dude who plays Walter Bishop. His marriage last year to Anna Torv, the most annoying member of Fringe dropped him a bit, but his divorce to her this year is mildly redeeming.
32.) Mike Ness [Lead Singer, Social Distortion]: Mike Ness is the punk rock Springsteen. He's also the coolest mother fucker in the history of life. You really need to see Social Distortion live to realize this. Mike Ness and Social D are what Green Day and Rancid wished they could be. The only reason he isn't ranked higher is due to the fact that his cowboy hat look when he does his country singing side project is totally lame.
31.) Forrest Griffin [MMA Fighter, Author]: Forrest Griffin is one of the people responsible for the explosion of the UFC due to his stint on the first season of their reality show The Ultimate Fighter. He is also mental. His newest book is called Be Ready When the Shit Goes Down: A Survival Guide to the Apocalypse. He has also been known to state that he doesn't really get involved in his fights until he eats a punch or two to the face. He has a reputation for fighting people without really giving a shit about who it is or what happens to him. Like the Anderson Silva fight, if you want to call that a fight. Points off to Forrest for running out of the cage crying like a baby after this drubbing and hiding out for months afterwards. Understandable yes, manly no.
That does it for this installment. Part three should be up in the near future.
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